It Only Hurts When I Breathe
by EternalConfusion
Summary: Jateangsttragedy oneshot. Tissues may be required :p “I could never leave you, because I love you too much, and I know…I know that we will always need each other.


**Disclaimer:** _Okay, I momentarily forgot the disclaimer. I suck. But, obviously - I don't own Lost...blah de blah.

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Sitting in that special spot where she'd first stumbled across him, she sat with her knees drawn close to her chest, so that she could lean slightly forwards and rest her head on them, as she stared out to sea. A lonely, silent tear traced its way down her face, and she squeezed her eyes shut to try and stop more from falling. It wasn't supposed to hurt so much.

She could feel him. She couldn't say when she first realised that she could feel his presence, but she remembered that she definitely felt his presence when he walked in on her shower. She could feel him watching her; feel him walk up to her, feel him sit beside her.

They sat in silence. Just like always. Words were rarely needed, their actions spoke much louder; the words were just a clarification of what they knew they felt. They didn't need to apologize, because they both knew, they were both sorry. It was always like this; it didn't matter what they fought about, what she did, what he did. The silent, peaceful sitting was their apology, it showed they still cared.

"It only hurts when I breathe, Jack." She spoke slowly not looking at him, but feeling tears press against her closed eyelids and escape. "It hurts so much, every time I breathe. I can't stop breathing. I don't know how to stop." She admitted. "It only hurts when I breathe." She whispered, as if it was all she could think about.

Perhaps this time was different, he thought. Maybe this time, Kate needed more than the friendly silence. She needed reassurance, and clarification. She needed something she couldn't doubt. She needed to hear him talk to her. She needed to feel him.

"Kate…" He started, but paused, liking his lips he started again. "I…I…I…"

And suddenly, everything had changed. Words were never needed, and this time, there weren't enough words in all the languages used around the world. This time, there were no words. The words were always there, bubbling, sitting, and waiting, just under the surface. Not this time. He could always think of something he wanted to tell her, but he always kept them in his head. And now he couldn't think. The one time they were needed, and he couldn't find them.

He couldn't find the right words, so instead he reached out and softly placed his hand on her shoulder, and squeezed it lightly. She turned her face to him, and slowly opened her eyes. "Jack." She breathed, looking up at him through open, vulnerable, blood shot and weary eyes. It sounded like a soft and raspy plea.

"What do you need me to do?" He asked her. "What can I do to show you how sorry I am?"

Kate shook her head.

"Help me." She pleaded. "Make it stop hurting." She demanded. "Make it stop Jack."

"If I could Katie, don't you think that I would?" He spoke softly as his hand moved down her back.

"Why can't you?" She asked as his arms enveloped her. "It hurts to breathe Jack, and I can't stop breathing, can I? I don't want to breathe anymore, but you won't let me stop." She said, looking ahead blankly trying to block everything out as she drew in deep breaths.

"No, I won't." He kissed her hair, and held her tightly as she let out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, you know that, right?" He whispered to her and she nodded slowly.

"It's not fair."

"I know it's not." He told her.

"Does it hurt when you breathe too?" She asked him desperately, she had to know; she needed to know that she wasn't the only one.

"Yes, Kate, I'm hurting too. It hurts even more to know that you're like this. I wish I could take your pain away. I wish I could have stopped if from happening, I wished it hadn't happened." He told her.

"Me too." She sunk into him. "Why did it happen to us?"

"I don't know." He buried his face in her hair. "I'm so sorry Kate."

"Don't say that." She snapped, and he looked at her, offended. "It's not your fault it happened, so stop apologizing." She waited a moment and then said quietly, "It's probably mine."

"It's not your fault Katie, it's no-one's fault." He shook his head refusing to believe her words.

"No, it's my fault. It was my responsibility, it's not like anyone else was carrying our child, was it? How could it not be my fault that we lost it?" She cried as he rubbed her back soothingly.

"Kate, I don't want to ever hear you blaming yourself again." He told her firmly, then his voice softened. "These things happen all the time and they're no-one's fault. At least we knew, we were happy for a while, isn't that worth something?" He mused. "They can happen, completely naturally before symptoms even start, Kate. At least we knew."

"It doesn't stop the pain." She stated simply.

"I know." Jack sighed, this time not even science could ease his mind.

"I feel horrible." Kate glanced down at her stomach, winced and looked back out to sea. "I feel all empty and hollow inside now. It's strange." Kate took a slow breath in and closed her eyes lightly. "I never thought I'd be a mother, I never thought I'd be happy about it…but…I guess I was. Because; now that he's gone…I feel more lost than ever before."

Jack held her tighter still and smiled sadly. "He?"

"He." Kate returned the smile. "I just feel like he would have been a he."

Jack nodded. "A cute he."

"Yeah." Kate agreed. "It was something that would make me stop running, for good. Now I feel like I can't move, like I can barely walk…"

"You wouldn't stop running for me?" Jack asked her, and she couldn't miss the disappointment in his voice.

"That's not what I meant." Kate sighed. "I can stop running for you…but Jack, how long would that last, would we last? But a baby, our baby…I couldn't run from that. I know you'd keep me coming back even if I did run, but with a baby…it'd give me an excuse to stop even if we didn't work out."

"But we will." He told her.

"How do you know that?" She asked him through her misty eyes.

"Because I love you, and because…as much as you hate to admit it; you do need me, don't you?"

"More than ever." She admitted, her voice wavering as he smiled at her.

"That's why." He kissed her softly. "I could never leave you, because I love you too much, and I know…I know that we will always need each other."

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**A/N: **_Review, please? They make me happy, and smiley and flyish!_


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